How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
