dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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