wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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