Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Sorry about my life...
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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