Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
