Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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