Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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