i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
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The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
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Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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