She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
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