That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
