i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
