just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
