we need to drink 2009 down the drain
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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