Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
don't judge my taste in strippers
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
