i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
