Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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