the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
