stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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