it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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