Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
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