I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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