oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
