You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
