If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
