dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
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just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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