I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
