you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
