we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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