I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
