I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
