i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
