I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
