Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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