barbara walters just said penis...
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
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