dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Randomize
