i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
