SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Randomize
