Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
