sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
