I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
my being single is dangerous.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
