I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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