i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
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