I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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