The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
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Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
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Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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