I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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