I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
