I am full of burrito and curiosity
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
