Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Randomize
