I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
