Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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