I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
