what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
