thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
