hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
