I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize