So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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