So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
