I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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