Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
