Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
