I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
