omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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