ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize