mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
