I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
