Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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