First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
