i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
