Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
