Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
